Mother's Day

Dear God,

Hi we spoke this morning in church when I asked for patience in all that I ask for, yeah well I'm past that. From this moment on would you please add a little instruction manual to babies. These are the following things to include

1. On Mother's Day- as in the day set aside to thank your mother for pushing you out of her body or having it cut open so you could be born, please do not fight with your sibling so your mother has to utter the words "I remember when I wasn't a mother kinda fondly right now". It ruins the whole Mojo of the day
2. When you are dirty and people can actually smell you take a shower
3. Don't make Mother's Day about you. This is not your day, you will have every other day of your mother's life until you have children then you too are not as important and those perfect little grandchildren.
4. A present for your mother on Mother's Day is not letting her snuggle with you while you watch re-runs of Phinas and Phern. That is not a gift
5. When you are old enough and have earned a little money as much as we love your little hand made presents it's time for so gifts kids.
6. Don't blame not having a decent Mother's Day present on your dad, he had his own list.
7. Seriously when your mom tells you the dreaded "I brought you to this earth I can take you out" line she means it I gave her that right.
8. Do not feed your mom egg salad made from the left over eggs from Easter, two weeks ago. Even though moms are armed with an immune system that can stand up to most weapons even moms can get food poisoning.
9. Do not ask your mom if she wants a boob job for Mother's Day since her boobs sag- they sag because of you. 18 on the beach, nice and high, Breast feeding kids, loowwww.
10. Try to love your mom with all you have. Because she loves you more than even I can understand!

Thank you for doing that, we will get the Father's List next month.

Kristin Allen