Marriage for the Middle Ages

So when was the last time you were truly slap your mama happy? No worries, or even more if there were worries you didn't worry about them?

How often do we get that type of divine time? Once, maybe twice. Anyone who says the last time they were truly THAT happy was in the say the delivery room- they are lying. I don't care how long you waited for that baby, how awful the pregnancy, whatever, you are relieved that you have a beautiful baby, even so full of emotion that you don't care who sees your lady humps, and bumps and dimples and dumps. But you were not happy. There is a difference.

Almost two weeks ago now I witnesses happiness. In the most pure form that I think I have ever seen.

My sister, Julie, got married. Now Julie has been married before, she has my two as I like to call them, out of body children. I think I actually love them as much as my two kids I just don't have to pay for them, can give them back and though I was there when they were born I don't have to privilege of claiming any stretch marks.

I'm sure Julie was happy at the first wedding. But not the happy she was two weeks ago. I tried and thought about my own wedding and I was nervous and excited but, not the happiest I've ever been. Is that odd? Maybe.

Julie jumped off the "Heading to be single forever, I am badass and don't need a man" train. Straight on the "Gosh darn sweet baby boy, I don't care how many kids you have (Four by the way) or that you and I only known each other a couple weeks. I done fall head over heels in love wit ya!" Yeah it was that kind of happy.

Marriage and courting the second time around don't really work the way they do the first time. I can now see why lots of animals in the wild (lobsters) mate for life. It's hard to have to do it a second time and make sure it's right this time around. No one walks into marriage with the divorce papers in the works, especially not my sister. You know that scene in the original National Lampoons, Vacation, when the cop pulls Clark over because he forgot to get the dog from the back of the car bumper at the rest stop. The cops says "The little fella held on as long as it could", that was my sister. She held on as long as she could almost 14 years of running. No one thought she would finally lift her legs and just lay down.

So here are some differences of 20 something marriage and Middle Age (30 something) marriage

• You can't wait to have sex---You can wait cause really your tired and need a nap
• You are goo goo gaga over the ring----You realize that damn you want a bigger one than you had before
• So excited when you get your tenth set of Pyrex dishes so you can invite your in-laws over and cook them dinner---Don't give me one set of Pyrex and honestly I've done the whole in-laws thing and honestly that whole "if you marry me you marry my family, yeah not this time"
• You can't wait for people to ask when you will move into your own little house---Crap now one of you have to move and there is no way you are living in, her, old house. And he is not going to sleep in, his, bed.
• You have the line down pat- "We are just going to enjoy being newlyweds and spend every waking minute with each other and go to Hawaii for our anniversary, move into a house then start a family". You nearly can see hearts and unicorns shoot out their butts.---HELL NO we are not having kids I lost count on how many we have together.
• What's mine is his and what's his is mine. Chores, kids, money....---This is mine don't look at it, touch it or I will know, you will take out the garbage, and yes I have a secret bank account that you will not touch until I know you are not the like the D-bag I married before.
• The wedding will include everyone we love, just a time to celebrate our love---We are going to dance and I'm going to have the cake I want to actually eat. And again it's optional if either of our families even come because really we are the ones paying this time around.

Marriage is tough, add 6 kids, one dog that will never die and a stalking bird that is waiting to attack at any moment and you have a Brady Bunch for the new millennium. Will it work? I think so. Will it be tough? Yup.

But no matter what you have faced or will face it still comes down to that stupid vinyl sign that every good newlywed couple have on a wall in their apartment, All Because Two People Fell In Love. Now it just says," All because two people tried to put up with the other persons crap for far to long and they finally realized you will never change so they left got a life, became the person they knew they should be, gained self-esteem and found a new person that was willing to try it again".

Now you will need a large wall to put that up on but isn't that what we all want? Someone that realizes that it's hard, harder than you will ever think. Then once in a while you will meet someone that is maybe not the perfect prince charming but you realized that he does not exists. He's kind, a hard worker, makes you smile, is willing to make the kids smile, and honestly you just have not been this happy is a very long time. It's that simple.

Congratulations Lance and Julie... I love you both

Thank you both for letting me witness happiness, love and celebration. You have no idea how much it meant to me to be at your wedding.

Love,

Kris

Mother's Day

Dear God,

Hi we spoke this morning in church when I asked for patience in all that I ask for, yeah well I'm past that. From this moment on would you please add a little instruction manual to babies. These are the following things to include

1. On Mother's Day- as in the day set aside to thank your mother for pushing you out of her body or having it cut open so you could be born, please do not fight with your sibling so your mother has to utter the words "I remember when I wasn't a mother kinda fondly right now". It ruins the whole Mojo of the day
2. When you are dirty and people can actually smell you take a shower
3. Don't make Mother's Day about you. This is not your day, you will have every other day of your mother's life until you have children then you too are not as important and those perfect little grandchildren.
4. A present for your mother on Mother's Day is not letting her snuggle with you while you watch re-runs of Phinas and Phern. That is not a gift
5. When you are old enough and have earned a little money as much as we love your little hand made presents it's time for so gifts kids.
6. Don't blame not having a decent Mother's Day present on your dad, he had his own list.
7. Seriously when your mom tells you the dreaded "I brought you to this earth I can take you out" line she means it I gave her that right.
8. Do not feed your mom egg salad made from the left over eggs from Easter, two weeks ago. Even though moms are armed with an immune system that can stand up to most weapons even moms can get food poisoning.
9. Do not ask your mom if she wants a boob job for Mother's Day since her boobs sag- they sag because of you. 18 on the beach, nice and high, Breast feeding kids, loowwww.
10. Try to love your mom with all you have. Because she loves you more than even I can understand!

Thank you for doing that, we will get the Father's List next month.

Kristin Allen

Transform

WOW That can be a scary word. You either think of a sexy Josh Duhmel running around shooting a gun...let's just sit on that one for a moment...........................................SNAP back to reality. But, as much as I could just end this post there, there really is more to it.

The church I go to and LOVE, with a deep passion, really beats into us that when we transform, be it now a Christ follower, or transform that way we use to behave to the way we SHOULD behave, it should be noticeable. As Walt Tanner says often "Transform like you've been hit head on by a MAC truck".

SO I want to transform. I want to transform into what I know I CAN BE, instead of what I have been sitting around waiting TO BE. Make sense?

You might wonder how does someone as funny as me transform when you might be saying "Oh Kristin you are already perfect why change?" I know, I know, silly question. You might just be shocked to know that I'm what's the word..mmmmm- SCARED OUT OF MY FREAKING MIND! That's why I know that I need to Transform. It's not a bad thing, it's a mind, spiritual, and healing thing. I am going to let go of all the maybes, and one day's and deal with the yes I will and today is as good a day as any.

You might not notice it, you might not even care. But, I am held accountable for what changes in my life that I make. So what might you ask am I aiming for?

Bullet point time, I love that time

• This is a big one for me and one that I honestly think I might fail at- just being real here. I want to go from being Hannah's wardened to being her leader. Let me explain. I have read the books, I have shed the tears and I have resolved to just be the mom and tell her where the bear craps. It didn't work. I will show her by example what kind of friend, mother, wife, sister, and Christ follower I want her to look up to. This spicy 12 year old shows me new things all the time. But she is the child and I'm the mom. So I can lead her to water tell her to drink but, she may not know how. So I plan to stick my head in the bucket and drink and drink. And I also plan to start giving myself a party the week of her birthday every year. It's a little bit "Look we didn't kill each other" but mostly it's "Look at this amazing young woman who navigated through being a tween like a pro, she's my daughter how cool is that". Simple
• I will transform from thinking I'm Steve's cook, maid, and other very Carol Bradyish things to being in this 50/50. I'd love to say Batman and Robin but who's kidding who here Robin was just eye candy. Steve is so wonderful and I am the most horrible wife ever. If they ever give out awards I'll get it. I know I can be someone that Steve is so proud of, all my faults and flaws. So through prayer, and letting go of all my childhood issues I'm going to be the spouse Steve deserves.
• I will stop feeling bad for myself. Or maybe it's worrying that I need to stop doing. Recently I had a long- very long talk with God. He and I fight, laugh and cry together. I am sure he also thinks it's a good thing I'm on medication. I worry about things to the point that I get physically sick. You name it family, kids, work, money, health, the stray cat- I worry. I finally after a long chat turned it all over to Him. That was a tough one to swallow. I shared things with Steve that I planned on taking to my grave, I uttered words that I never planned on saying and in the end. Someone removed giant weights off of my shoulders. The tightness in my chest has not totally stopped but, at least I'm not worried anymore about it.
• It's no secret to family and friend that I really wanted to have another child. Truly I always figured I would. But, after Jeffrey my priorities changed and went all to taking care of him. Now ten years down the road I'm thinking ok let's do this. MMM several problem with that. No lady parts, no way to have a baby, if I wanted to do adoption it would takes lots of money and many years. So that just does not work. I am bright enough to know that I don't want to have a 16 year old, a 14 year old and a new born. That is not fair to any of them. And after prayer Steve just didn't feel warm and fuzzy about it. So I thought foster care. I can't tell you how many people have told me "Sorry we just don't need families like we use to." Oh ok. So after lots of tears, I finally transformed my heart and gave it away. So if it's meant to be it will happen. We have a steam in the backyard I guess I better keep my eye out for a basket! It will be alright I really believe that now. Either some crazy situation will happen and we won't have time to hash it out we will just jump. Or we will just have to wait to be grandparents- which better not be until both kids are 30 and Doctors.

So I'm going to take things slow and wait to see what awesome things happen. It won't always be a MAC truck but, you would still feel a little bump if a Prius hit you. Everyday something great will happen. I'm obsessed with a book called 17 Second Miracles. And now I'm on the look out for my miracle's everyday.

So far today my miracle- I want to panic and worry but instead I'm going to take a walk, clean the kitchen and take some pictures. And for 10 a.m. in the morning that's just fine.

• 
  

Frayed Edge

When I was 16 I spent some of the summer in Germany. My accessory for the trip was a new camera. My parents gave it to me so I stopped asking them to use there's while we vacationed. And also because my mom takes about as many pictures of us as a blind person has eyeglasses. Nuff Said

I get two amazing "gifts" from my family

#1- I can cook because my grandma's are both amazing cooks and my mom is not to shabby

#2- I have an "interesting" eye for photography. My grandpa Red was an awesome photographer. Most of them were of fish, desert or my sister and I when we were little.

I love to take photos. Not just any photos but, fun, crazy, thought out pics. My arsenal if full of my sister in some kind of mind bending photo wizardly that I set up.

I wish that I could have been the one taking photos of my pregnancy and the birth of both kids because the people who did SUCKED.

Over the years I have got some pictures that to this day when I see them it floods me with emotions.

My goal for my life has been this-

I need someone to pay me to do my three favorite things

#1-Cook

#2- Take Pictures

#3- Write

So now is the time. I won't be the best, some may not like them. I don't plan on spending years and years taking classing, spending oodles of mula and get a degree in photography. Who the hell am I kidding I have 2 kids, a mortgage and a life. Not happening

Over the last year I knew I was waiting for "something" I needed the thing for me. I have struggled with this and spent many nights awake, worrying that I needed something that I control. I trust in God's answers and I seek them out, praying and reading my Bible.

Well, Heaven sent my answer via Santa. Kinda fitting.

I don't like presents, get embarrassed or upset when I get them. Not this time

I was given my "answer" in the form of a new Cannon professional series camera. It is beautiful and I sleep with it by my side of the bed. No lie.

So I am jumping off the edge and in the next three months

The Thread Photography

Will be born!!!!!!!

Very Awesome I do say

2011-.

You would think it would be easy for someone like myself to find the words to write that would spark a deep desire for someone to read them. It has not- yet.

I read other blogs and most the time think that the person is writing what they want others to hear or a, read. They think they are writing a book in which the audience has waited for months to come out. Nope, we just want you to be real. I was following a blog for a few months because the person writing it claimed to be a witch. Yes that is a W not a B. She was a Witch mom who would talk about some crazy stuff. And I'll be honest I like crazy. But after a while it was the same stuff. I no longer follow her. Another person that I follow has some great tips and does some very cool stuff on her blog. Two problems though- she makes everything just perfect with a cherry on top. And 2nd, she is not giving the reader anything that shows us who she is. Everyone can seem perfect but in a world of chaos we don't want perfect. We want real.

My favorite blog is my sisters. She may be so real that it might need to start having a rating system. Over the past year she has gone through a horrible divorce, faced selling her home, lived in a friends basement, moved again, faced the trials of being a single mother, and fallen in love and had her heart broken. She has dated a few losers, dated a couple idiots, had her ex want her back (btw COLD DAY IN HELL), had her lady materials riped out, and faced it all with sorrow, humor, humility and a little love and sadness thrown in.

She says the things the rest of what to say. Sometimes our kids piss us off. She says it. There are days when the whole world is falling in on us and all we want is to stay in bed, with a bottle of Rum- even if you don't drink. But instead we talk about how perfect everything is, the laundry is done and I use Tide and get a coupon for it here ---- with a link to it. You know what I want a link to? The companies that make Anti-Depressants or Rum! I bet mine would get more hits.

I can make my case for loving my life and loving my husband and kids everyday. To be honest there are days when they drive me crazy. Would it kill my husband to turn off the damn Dish TV at night so I don't wake up to see the blue light. And if I roll over and roll on his freakin Black(Crack)berry I will one day run over it with my car.

I love my daughter would die for her. However she is 12 1/2 so in 2011 language that means she is hovering around 16. She is the perfect combination of a cute little newborn puppy and a rattlesnake. If she begins to rattle just back away and don't make eye contact. She can strike at any minute. Every morning I ask God to remind me how I felt at her age and I try hard. "Mom does this look awesome of what"? I want to say you look like a doof but, I think of my four inch West Valley Bangs and just smile and say you are beautiful no matter what you put on. Even those horrible Pirate Boots!

My little boy is not so little any more. I have soaked up everything about him being a boy- the Lego's that I step on at 2a.m. when I check on him. The Lego's in every room of our house, the Lego's that have set up camp in my sinks. The dirt that follows him everywhere. The endless lesson's he gives me about the Padawan person in Star Wars. All the episodes of Myth Busters I have to watch when honestly I want to watch Jersylicious. Having a son is a gift and a mean trip all at once. They wrap their moms around their little dirty fingers. You teach them everything, do it all for them and what do they do- LEAVE YOU FOR ANOTHER WOMAN. What the hell? What kind of mean trick is that. Now the man who can keep up with Hannah I'm not worried about because she is full of fire and won't let a man keep her down.

The woman who gets to be lucky enough to marry my Jeffrey well, she will never be good enough. She will never love him like his mommy does! I already don't like her wherever she is playing on a playground right now.

I have several really close girlfriends who have just in the past 6 weeks had new babies. It has been really hard for me. I envy them, I long to be that new mom with all the promise that this little life holds. The late nights holding them until your arms are numb, the joy that you feel when they smile the first time. After my awful pregnancy with Hannah I made sure to enjoy every minute of her precious little life. I figured it would only be by the grace of God that I would ever have another one. I spent days just looking at her, taking in each perfect part of her. I took tons of pictures, and videos. I watched her sleep, I helped her look for bugs at the park, she would spend hours with the giant bags of paper towel ls building things. I was sure at that moment she was the brightest child EVER. I cried when she went to Pre-School, and every year after on the first day of school.

I did the same for Jeffrey. With him I knew that I had to remember everything he did. Everyday I wondered if he would get sick and end up in the hospital. I love being a mom, there is nothing in the world that I could ever imagine being. Little hands and feet, snuggling when they just want "mommy". Playing school, or tea party, reading their favorite book just one more time. Driving back to grandma's at midnight because you forgot Choo-choo and he can't sleep without it. Spending a small fortune on the most adorable dance outfit for her to just stand on the stage and then begin picking something off her shoe. But, you tell her she was the best one up there.

Having your heart break when they cry for you when they are in time out. The first time they go in the "Big Boy" bathroom alone. When they tell you they will go walk into the first day of class alone this time. When they ask you to be quiet because they are trying to read. When you realize you have just left them home alone to run to the store.

It goes so fast, like warp speed on a video game. No more gushing over their cute little sparkle shoes they won't take off. They are now borrowing your shoes. They don't need Choo Choo in bed with them, just on the chair, in case.

You realize you are done being Mommy. The only thing you will be is Grandma one day- waaaayyyyy in the future.

No more bottles, diapers, cribs, Elmo, or just the knowledge that you have this amazing little person who needs only you. There was a big part of me that figured one day we would adopt or magically have another baby. It feels as though my family is missing someone. Unfortunately Steve didn't get that memo. I will enjoy all the babies around me but will always have a sad heart.

They say when you get to heaven you are shown almost a snap shoot of your life. I don't want to see the bad. But, I can't wait to relive the births of my children and seeing them as innocent little kids. I have no double that I will send them off to Prom with tears, and when they go to college I will be a wreck. I can somehow picture Hannah in a long white dress on her wedding day. And in the FAR off distant becoming a mother. I will tell her to do what I did, forget the laundry for a day and just love that baby.

Jeffrey will do great things in his life. He will fall in love and I hope pick the perfect bride, he will become an amazing father because he has one to show him. It's my hope that one day he understands how to be respectful to his wife and never, ever bring the Blackberry to their bed!

Choo Choo may not make it much longer. His edges are torn and have been sewn several times, he is thin and frayed. But, he will stay with me in my cedar chest so when I feel sad I can hold him for just a moment and remember that I had my time and they were the best days of my life.